Jokes!!!!!

Got any good 1s or know of some websites/threads that you want to share?! I'll start..

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge. The brain said: "I should be in charge, because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the heart, "because I pump the blood and circulate oxygen all over the body, so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach, "because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "because I'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, and the blood was toxic. Eventually the other organs gave in. They all agreed that the rectum should be the boss.

The moral of the story?
You don't have to be smart or important to be in charge... just an asshole.

and this is a funny website if you guys play mmo's, friend sent it to me the other day.. we all been there http://www.ffxionline.com/forums/ffxi-member-fan-works/56208-how-speak-n00b-guide.html

And another classic!

Once there was a rich guy who owned a huge mansion, lots of cars, was an alcoholic, and smoked expensive cigars. He even had a huge pool which he filled with hundreds of alligators.

One day he was having a pool party and everyone got drunk. After a while the rich guy stood up on a table and made a speech. He said, "Anyone who swims across my pool will get my house. No one jumped in. Then he said, "Anyone who swims across my pool gets my house and my cars. No one jumped. "Anyone who swims across my pool gets my house, my cars, and my alcohol" No one jumped in. "Anyone who swims across my pool gets my house, my cars, my alcohol, and all of my cigars. He heard a splash and looked up.

He saw a guy jump into the pool. Alligators were on him in a second, but this guy did Tarzan moves, wrestled alligators, etc. Finally, he climbed out on the other side. The rich dude walked around and said, "That was amazing. I never thought anyone would do that! When do you want my house?" The guy said "I don't want your house." "When do you want my cars?" "I don't want your cars." " When do you want my alcohol? "I don't want your alcohol." When do you want my cigars?" "I don't want your cigars." "Well, what do you want?" "I want the freaking idiot who pushed me in!"

And a funny poem I found on a webpage that a GameMaster wrote (GM)

Why Billy Had No Friends

Billy was a little boy
Who played on his computer.
He played only one type of game.
That was first person shooter.

Billy played and Billy died
For that is part of the game,
But Billy died more than most
Cause damn that boy was lame.

Whenever little Billy died,
He made a witty retort.
"STFU, N00b" Billy cried
Cause Billy was a bad sport.

His grammar was atrocious.
His skills were not quite leet.
And when he lost, Billy said
Some words I can't repeat.

Other players tried to calm him down
As Billy lay there dead.
They suggested he not play anymore.
Actually... GTFO, they said.

That's when little Billy's life
Took a drastic turn.
He decided he would rather cheat
And let them bitches burn.

Billy started spawn camping
And next he started botting.
But as his score was slowly rising,
His brain was quickly rotting.

As his brain diminished,
Slowly dying inside his head,
Little Billy grew quite bored
And played other games instead.

But sports were not his style.
He had no brains for strategy.
So little Billy made the decision
To try an MMORPG.

That was Billy's big mistake.
He'd finally have to pay.
For Fate dumped poor little Billy
Into a Gamemaster's way.

Billy started swearing.
The GM counted strike one.
Strike two came for scamming.
One more and he'd be done.

Then our little Billy
Made a dumb GM call.
"Strike three!!!" the GM shouted
And the axe began to fall.

Billy was quickly warped to jail
His account received a flaggin'.
And when Billy started to whine,
I fed him to a dragon.

And what became of poor Billy,
The boy who had no friends?
I dragged him out into the street
And shot him cause no one likes a retard.

The End

Makes me cry everytime I read it.

I think Billy learned a very important lesson, don't you?

That lesson: don't be a n00b or someone will put a bullet into your brain.

Good lesson that.

Sweet Jokes Paul, this isn't SPAM so i'll move it to the GD so more people see it!
(ROTFLMAO, the one time Paul ISN'T Spamming he puts it under SPAM)

lolz.

i got one, pretty racist though so...............you've been warned.





so a black guy, a jew and an italian walk into a bar
the bartender says get the f*ck out

thats not really a joke.. thats like saying.. so mr.n1nt3nd0 came into blurrypron.com and the moderate said.. GTFO..

thats better then yours >.>;; now.. some decent 1s maybe story length are usually the good 1s, i dont wanna hear stupid racists shit b/c its normally all crap and i've probably heard them all

that joke i said was actually from gran torino...................and it was hilarious.....................................dick

Well its a shitty joke, stupid racists stuff really isnt that funny

it was in the movie.......................did you see it?

yeah i seen it, but still not funny

........................was a good movie...................wasn't it?

I guess you don't like Russel Peters then.

One of the darwin awards (Awards for the stupidest deaths)


(September 2007) A man was splitting seasoned wood early one autumn in preparation for the quickly approaching winter. One after another, he would drive his sharp axe through a log, then toss the split wood onto the pile. He was making light work of the logs when he came to one with a particularly large diameter.

Feeling overzealous, he decided to split the log anyway. He lined up his shot, and brought the axe down dead-center, only to bury the axe blade deep in the girthy log without splitting it. With a swift action, he jerked up on the handle to free the axe for another swing. In doing so, the log scooted forward about a foot before the axe broke free.

Rather than move the heavy log back into place, the man stepped forward a foot to take another swing. The second swing met with the same result as the first, as did the third attempt, the fourth, and so on. In his relentless determination to split the unsplittable, the man did not notice that he and the log had traveled some twenty-five feet across the yard, and were now positioned beheath the clothesline.

As he brought the axe down for another whack at the log, the axe head caught the clothesline, which acted in the same manner as a bow string. The axe had barely touched the top of the log when the clothesline reached its maximum draw, propelling the axe head back toward the man at an ungodly velocity. It found its mark right between his eyes.

Fortunately, the blunt side of the axe head made contact, and rather than killing him, it merely collapsed his sinus and fractured his skull. He recovered, and learned a very important lesson: Always be aware of your surroundings when hurling a sharp object through the air with great force.

XD

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."


i always get a chuckle from this slightly disturbing image in my head

rofl